I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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