Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize