still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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