I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i out mim tonsoeep
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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