he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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