I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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