if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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