I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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