every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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