dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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