Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
