and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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