I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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