don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
