1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize