A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
