The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
