Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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