how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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