I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
