How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
