I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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