I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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