I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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