I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
