Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize