im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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