well I can't set my house on fire every night
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
