Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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