tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
