Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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