my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
