when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
