You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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