I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
