final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
