I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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