I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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