just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
