I CAN MOONWALK!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
