Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
