You just made me feel so damn special
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize