oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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