Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
