just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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