Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
