airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
