You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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