I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
