just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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