I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
