I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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