1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
