do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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