I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
