His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
