My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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