just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
