where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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