so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
