I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
