found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
