You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
