can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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