shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
