My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
