Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
