he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
