I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
