Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
