im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
