Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
